What It’s Like Moving Back “Home” After Living Abroad & Tips on How to Adjust
They say that the hardest adjustment for an expat is moving back “home” after living abroad. They’re not wrong.
I studied and volunteered in Israel for a year after high school, and was surprised that after 18 years of living and growing up in the United States, and only 1 year of living in Israel, I came home with culture shock. Of course, I wondered how it was possible that I could feel so out of place in America, yet I noticed it when the food didn’t taste how I expected and also when shopping for a few things at the supermarket (why is this always such a salient cultural adjustment?) when I felt the urge to elbow everyone out of way in the aisles with an impatient Israeli s’licha. It was the food and culture, the words of Hebrew I was accustomed to interjecting into my everyday English conversation, and the flow of my daily and weekly routine.
Of course, that effect has been significantly amplified after the past 5 years living abroad in Australia and Italy and now being back in the US, living in Baltimore, Maryland. I’ve now been back around two months, but the adjustment has been a challenge, and this is the first time I’m feeling comfortable enough discussing it to write about it for the blog.
A fellow expat in Milan, who’s done a fair bit of moving around over the years, counseled me that I should focus on the positives about the move. Because the negatives will be glaringly obvious and I’ll realize them quickly anyway, but the upsides might be harder to come by in the midst of the adjustment. Here’s what I’ve discovered…
The Good
The biggest, most obvious upside for me about moving back to the US is being closer to friends and family. Already since being back I’ve been able to celebrate the holidays with my family, make it out for a friend’s birthday in New York, and be there in person for my grandmother’s 90th birthday. Slowly I’ve been taking trips to see friends I haven’t spent quality time with in ages. Last-minute group dinners that I organized when I was an expat just back for a visit have been replaced by one-on-one time catching up with people. It’s been a refreshing change to have time for deep conversations and not just a quick catch-up when I see friends and loved ones.
I’m also really excited about the professional opportunity, aka being able to have a full-time job again. While I did work full-time in Australia, I barely even looked for full-time work in Italy, instead cobbling together different paid and volunteer opportunities to keep me occupied and engaged. Because the economy is struggling so much in Italy, any full-time work I might have found would have likely involved long hours and not great pay. Plus, not having a full-time work obligation left me flexible to travel at the last minute when the opportunity arose and be an engaged hostess when visitors came from abroad to visit. However, being back in the US I am looking forward to the structure and routine of full-time work, and the chance to impact urban education, one of my passions.
Another upside of America? Convenience. American life is very much about convenience, from pre-packaged ingredients and meals at the supermarket to one-stop shopping at mega-stores that have clothes, food, and toiletries all under one roof. For me, it’s also the convenience of knowing where to go to buy things. Even in Australia where I hypothetically spoke the language (minus the many Aussie abbreviations and slang), the store names were mostly unfamiliar. You’re not going to find US supermarket chains or clothing stores, so figuring out *where* to go to purchase a particular item could be just as time-consuming as the shopping trip itself. Of course, living in Italian in Milan posed the same challenge, exacerbated by the fact that many stores are local and don’t have an online presence, so sometimes the best way to find a specific item is by keeping your eyes open as you walk through different neighborhoods and popping into the first store you walk past that sells what you need. It sounds old-school, but that is the reality of life in Italy.
Speaking of convenience, an upside about American life that I realized even before leaving Milan is laundry. More specifically, having a dryer! Yes, darling readers, it’s true. Most Italian homes have a washer, but no dryer. What does doing laundry in Italy involve? Running a load through the washer, hanging it on a drying rack, and then waiting 24 hours for it to dry before doing your next load. Unless it’s winter, in which case the clothes may take even longer to dry. Laundry in Italy involved a lot of strategizing. If I had three or four loads to do in advance of weekend guests, the process would start on Monday. Really. So yes, having access to both a washer and a dryer living back in the US may sound shallow, but for any recently returned expat is a big deal. I can do more than 1 load in a day! And they’ll both be dry within hours! Having dry (and fluffy) laundry never made a gal so happy =)
Another adjustment, and certainly a positive one – everyone speaks your language! In my first few weeks back, I found myself consciously noticing as I walked down the street that everyone who passed was speaking English. I would think, “how weird,” before realizing that I was back in the US and this was in fact normal and expected to be walking down the street and overhearing English conversations constantly. Living in English again meant that there was no hesitation or much thought involved before I would engage in small talk or strike up a conversation waiting in line or with a cashier or store clerk, a level of comfort you never quite reach living in a foreign language.
Visiting the US as an expat, I would always take advantage of all the ethnic food that is available, most of which is absent or not that great in Italy. Now back living here, I know that quality ethnic food is widely available, from Chinese to Mexican to Thai to Ethiopian. And you can believe that I’ve been savoring all of the opportunities to take advantage of the access.
And if you’ve seen my posts on wineries – in the Piedmont region of Italy or Israel – or even posts that involve wine tastings (like my overviews of Liechtenstein or Plovdiv, Bulgaria), you may have guessed that I had a fair few bottles of wine from around Europe that I brought back to the US when moving. What you may not realize is that there already were a few cases of wine waiting for me in the US, mostly from California and Australia, acquired before moving to Italy. Because they are bottles that I knew would age well, and frankly, it just seemed silly to ship wine *to* Italy. It’s been a lovely trip down memory lane to remember past travels by enjoying wine I acquired there.
The Bad
I know, I know, I put the good things first, so it sounds like roses and confetti to move back to the US and take advantage of all the opportunities and conveniences the country has to offer. But as much as there is to be grateful for, there are definitely downsides that I have been feeling quite acutely these past months.
There are a lot of things that I’ve been missing since moving back. First and foremost, I miss my Milan friends. I was very fortunate to have met so many incredible people during my 3 years living in Milan, and I actually had a much easier time making friends in Italy than in Australia, even outside of the expatriate community. Since Milan is the business center of Italy, I found that many interesting Italians from all over the country ended up in Milan for work, as well as the city attracting people in many professions from all over Europe and the rest of the world. It felt relatively easy to form deep connections and friendships, and I miss all of the people I used to be able to see on a regular basis and who are now an ocean and a six-hour time difference away.
I also am missing the city of Milan and life in Italy quite tangibly and still daily. When I walk out my front door, I no longer have the stunning Italian architecture to greet me. I don’t stroll past the Last Supper on a nearly daily basis or pass one of the five largest cathedrals in the world on my walk to Italian lessons. Plus, the Italians have a way of savoring everyday pleasures, from a quick cup of espresso to gelato to an evening aperitivo.
Speaking of which, I really miss all of the food and drink I was able to access living in Italy. Coffee is an integral part of the Italian day, and the entire country is set up so that you can pop in for a 1 Euro (or less) espresso anywhere you are, any time of day. Here in America, if I’m out and feel like a coffee, I’m hard pressed to find a proper espresso and it will cost at least a few dollars even for a single shot. Plus, I can’t necessarily find one when the mood strikes. And even though I brought back quite a few Italian cooking supplies, like carnaroli rice for risotto and “00” flour for fresh pasta-making, the quality of the produce in the US is not as good and so dishes don’t taste nearly as delicious as they did there. When it’s the early evening and I’m feeling like an aperitivo drink, it’s a much costlier endeavor than it ever was in Italy. In Milan, I could buy a decent bottle of Prosecco for 3 Euro at the local supermarket in Italy, but am hard-pressed to find a bottle for under $15 in the US. The same goes for my favorite ingredient to make a spritz – Aperol. For a bottle that would be about $8 in Italy, I’m now paying $25! So while my instinct is to preserve life in Italy as much as possible living back in the US, it’s just not financially reasonable to keep the identical habits without at least some practical adjustments.
One thing I didn’t realize before moving to Milan, but really came to appreciate, was the travel accessibility. With 3 airports, there are a ton of direct flight options from Milan all over Europe, including several discount carriers like Easy Jet and Ryan Air. Even at the last minute, I could reliably find round-trip airfare for under 100 Euros, and sometimes for significantly cheaper. And Milan is so centrally located that there are plenty of cities and towns within a short train ride or a drive of an hour or two, including a lot of Switzerland. And even small towns in Italy have so much to offer that it’s well worth a trip, even for a day. It’s just not quite the same back in the US, and even a weekend away is much costlier than what I’ve become accustomed to in Milan.
Another thing that I’ve been missing that I hadn’t anticipated – speaking Italian. I lapse into Italian often when I’m with a fellow speaker, and on my few flights I’ve had I find myself seeking out the Italian language movies. Being in the US I’ve actually been exposed to a lot of Spanish since being back (which I also speak), but it has just made me feel the loss of being so distant from Italian. I’ve been doing a lot of reading in English lately, but my next books to tackle will some of the ones in Italian I brought back with me, because I am just missing the lilting language as part of what I hear and absorb every day.
The Bizarre
When I first thought about writing this post months ago, I figured that there would be good things and also some negatives about moving back “home.” What I didn’t anticipate was quite a few items that didn’t really fit either category, but was just an oddity of the experience of being an expat living abroad for many years and then returning back to my native country.
As you read above, I always seem to have trouble in supermarkets. I’m not sure what it is, but that for me seems to be one of the venues where every culture and nationality handles the experience differently, and I become acclimated wherever I live. This wasn’t just an issue after my time in Israel, but something I noticed after living in Perth, Australia (where did all the Asian produce go?) and have certainly noticed over the past couple of months being back from Milan. There are some of the practical details that I’ve struggled to remember. Like how in Italy you need to code and weigh your produce on your own, printing out the sticker with the bar code from the scale in the produce section and affixing it before you reach the checkout line. While in the US the cashier knows and enters the code, or you look it up yourself in the self-checkout lane. Or that there are so many food items on the shelves at American supermarkets that I forgot existed and find myself craving. Not because I want to eat them necessarily, but simply because I haven’t seen them in ages and now I *can* have them. Like Oreo cookies, for one.
Another oddity of moving back has been the food I gravitate toward cooking at home. In Milan, cooking at home involved a lot of ethnic food, making versions of favorite dishes that were better than what I could find in a restaurant locally. Thai curries, Korean rice bowls, fish tacos (with homemade tortillas), and Chinese stir-fries were all in heavy rotation in my Milan kitchen. Now back in the US? I’ve been cooking a lot of authentic Italian dishes, and haven’t even braved going out to an Italian restaurant yet, even though Baltimore actually has a decent-sized Italian population and its own ‘Little Italy.’ One day I’ll muster up the courage, but for now I’m enjoying making my own Italian food, knowing I won’t be disappointed with the resulting meal.
And when it’s time to order food for delivery, especially for ethnic dishes I no longer feel compelled to cook on my own, I don’t even know the current apps and websites to do this. Although I never actually ordered food in the whole time living in Milan, I knew the European apps that were out there – Deliveroo, Foodora, JustEat. Being back in the US was initially baffling and involved a bunch of asking around to figure out that for food I could use GrubHub, OrderUp, or UberEats to get food to show up at my door. In the 5 years I’ve been gone, the landscape has changed quite a bit, and is another one of those weird adjustments you don’t expect needing to learn.
And even though I’ve been living and shopping in the US for a couple of months now, there are still signs all over the house that I’ve just moved back from a posting abroad. There are still plenty of household items that are in a foreign language (like the dish soap, for one). Things that were purchased in Italy and now are part of the things I see daily that are reminders of no longer being in Milan. And I’ve seen it in the homes of other expats who’ve recently returned home – those reminders of the life you left behind.
It’s also weird that it’s not just instant acclimation back into an old life. For you, the expat, it feels like you should just be slotting back into your previous life since you’re now back and everyone is excited to have you nearby. The reality? You arrange an initial meet-up with friends, but as other gatherings crop up – kids’ birthday parties & nights out – friends are liable to forget that you are now around and you only find out about events after the fact.
Tips on How to Adjust
So, what is a recently-returned expat to do? What steps have I been taking that I’ve found have helped with the adjustment back “home”? How do I manage all of the changes and gaps in my day-to-day life? I’m not an expert by any means, but here are a few things that I’ve found helpful over the last two months.
Connecting with old friends. Some days it may feel like you know no one, but the reality of course is never that severe. Sure, you may need to do a lot of the initiating at first, but there are definitely old friends in the area that will want to spend time with you, even if it’s been a while. What I love about close friendships is that even after much time and distance apart, you can get together and practically pick up right where you left off. And it’s important to make it a priority to see people. For me, that has meant some day trips and a weekend spent in Washington, DC where I lived for nearly a decade and have a strong friend base. During that time I’ve been able to hang out with some of my oldest friends and feel a bit more connected to life in the US again.
Finding new social circles. Let’s face it, after time living abroad, you’re not exactly the same person you were when you last left home. And even if you haven’t changed much when it comes to things that matter, your community is not the same as when you left. Friends have moved away or had children and aren’t likely to have as much free time as you do when you first return. Since moving back to the US I have been active on Facebook and Meetup to find other former expats and like-minded people to connect with. So far I’ve joined a book club, found buddies for rock climbing, and reached out to a group that sees live theater locally. I’ve even found some Italians in the area. My social calendar is certainly not full, but it’s been a great feeling to find people in my new city with shared interests.
Finding the things that keep me grounded and give me a sense of continuity or normalcy, and focusing on those. For me, the biggest thing that has helped to keep me grounded since the move is this blog! I’m still an internet connection away from a lot of the friends I’ve made through blogging, so it feels like nothing has changed in that respect. And I know that putting effort into Travel Savvy Gal – writing posts, becoming more active on social media, attending webinars about blogging – will not be wasted. I can see the tangible results of my hard work, from a larger Instagram following to Twitter re-tweets and increased website views. For my mental and emotional sanity, I’ve sought out rock climbing (my biggest stress reliever) and seeing live theater, an activity that deeply nourishes my soul. It gives me that extra bit of a boost that sustains me on the rougher days. And when you’re least motivated to seek out a pick-me-up, that’s of course when you need it the most.
Having low to no expectations. Things that can be most disappointing are those times when you expect things to go a certain way, and then reality doesn’t live up to your preconceived notions. The best way to combat disappointment? Don’t start off with expectations. Of course, that’s easier said than done, but starting from a blank slate means that everything you get from that point forward is something extra and unexpected. I’ve been trying my best over the past two months to keep an open mind about each day, and then appreciating the good things that come my way.
Focusing on what I’ve gained, not what I’ve lost. I’ve talked before on the blog about practicing gratitude, and I really believe it has the power to be transformative. When you spend time at the end of each day thinking about the things you are grateful for, it means that the following day your brain is on the lookout for things to appreciate for the following night’s round-up. The brain is a muscle like any other in the body, and can be trained to seek out the positive parts of your day, every day. While there have certainly been many frustrating moments, I am still incredibly fortunate to have had the opportunity to live abroad and experience other cultures, and now have the time to integrate back into American life while still working on the blog and sharing my travel tips and experiences, something I’ve found incredibly rewarding these past several months.
What’s next?
Well, the first order of business for me is finding a job. Unfortunately that means that most travel planning is on hold for the moment, although I do have a few weekends away planned. I’m also hoping to attend some upcoming travel blogger conferences – one in the US and one overseas – but again, I haven’t made any exact plans yet. Of course, the inability to plan while I’m in limbo has contributed to my overall frustration, but I’m trying to take everything in stride and focus on the positives.
And although I haven’t found a full-time job yet, I am admittedly nervous about the small number of vacation days that come with many US jobs. Sometimes it can be as little as 2 weeks, compared with the 6 weeks I received working in Australia that is common in Europe as well. Again, this is a wait-and-see situation, and I’m putting a lot of trust in the universe – and putting forth much effort – so that things will turn out well in the end.
The other question you’re probably wondering is what this means for the blog. For now certainly, things will carry on as usual with Travel Savvy Gal. I don’t know about you, but I certainly can’t job hunt and write cover letters for 8 straight hours a day, so I’ve been interspersing blogging activities with my job hunting. There will still be posts every Tuesday and Thursday, so continue keeping an eye out for that and show your love in the Comments.
Of course, I’ll be keeping you wonderful readers updated if and when anything changes. I was an avid traveler before becoming an expat and living abroad (when I was working full-time in the US) and I will be an avid traveler again being back here. In the meantime, I’m taking deep breaths through this transitional time and working on making the most of the days that I am able to travel at the moment. And there’s plenty of destinations I’ve traveled recently and haven’t written about yet, so those will be coming to a blog post near you sometime very soon.
For anyone who’s had to make a big living adjustment or also moved home after time abroad, what was it like for you? What things were the biggest help as you were getting re-acclimated? I’m still in the process myself, so any additional tips or intel would be greatly appreciated!
69 thoughts on “What It’s Like Moving Back “Home” After Living Abroad & Tips on How to Adjust”
I had no idea you were planning a move back home! Though secretly sad that I can’t try and plan a Milan aperitivo out with you anymore, I’m happy for your next big phase in life and sure it will go well! Looking forward to still reading the blog 🙂
I know, it all happened so suddenly it was quite the whirlwind! Plus, I did some traveling on the way so wasn’t even sure when I left Milan exactly when I’d make it back stateside. Thanks for the support and encouragement, and I’d definitely love to grab an aperitivo together the next time I’m back for a visit. Good luck with your next big phase in life, too!
Gosh, what a well rounded view of the realities of moving back ‘home’. Firstly congratulations on this next stage, and I wish you all the very best! I moved back to SA 2 years ago now, and it was definitely an adjustment. I too felt the biggest perk was proximity of family and friends- though the changes in their lives has meant changes in the way we interact with each other – which took a bit of adjusting to. I also just soaked up every opportunity I had to bask in the space and the bush of Africa – nothing like it in Italy or Spain. .. I found the food the hardest change to accept. No phenomenal gelato on every block, pizzas that are loaded with every topping (including fruit and glazes and nuts and oddities) nowhere near the honest Napolitana I came to love. No more throwing handfuls of spongy, clouds of mozzarella balls, each swimming in an individual pocket of water, into my trolley. Mozzarella comes in blocks. Or you buy a ball at deli prices that make me sad…it’s a huge change. I love south Africa – it is also harder to travel here…but I’m inspired to travel more in my own country…and loving the vibrance and energy of life here. I hope you find the perfect balance between work and adventure…I’ll be watching this space 🙂
Travel savvy Gal-
Lakshmi, thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment! I really didn’t expect how closely my experience would align with others who’ve made a similar transition, but always good to know I’m not alone. And oh my goodness, I did try buying mozzarella here once and it just wasn’t like proper mozzarella at all. It’s great to hear how you’ve embraced all of the unique things South Africa has to offer, that’s a great way to integrate into and appreciate being back home. When spring comes, I’m definitely looking forward to getting out in nature nearby (even if it’s not quite like the bushlands you’re around). I’m at the stage of working on striking a balance, and I’ll definitely be writing more about it for the blog in the coming weeks and months – stay tuned!
Lana! Welcome back! This is a pleasant surprise. For the job hunt, try flexjobs.com. there is a cost, but I think there may be some opportunities there for you. Hope we can reconnect soon.
Thanks so much, Bernadine! Good tip, thanks for the job hunt intel. I don’t have specific plans for when I’ll pop into DC next, but I’ll definitely keep you posted. Can’t wait to catch up =)
Hi Lana,
I am still in Milan, but I just returned from a business trip to New Hampshire. It seemed to me that the Americans talked loudly in public. When in a restaurant, the waiter/waitress kept interrupting to ask if everything was OK or if we wanted anything else. Also the greetings that Americans give strangers seem overly friendly. There are lots of fat people. The food portions are gigantic. All of the news now sounds like the National Enquirer – very sensational. Just some observations.
Hey Don, thanks for reading and checking in. I’ve noticed some of the things you mention – I’m not sure if America has really changed all that much, or if I have changed and so am noticing things differently than before. I’ve definitely come back with a smaller (European?) appetite, and American portion sizes are now way too big. Although here in the US there’s always the option of packing up the food you didn’t finish and taking it with you, I did that the other night!
Lana! I’m just reading this. Welcome back “home.” I got chills reading this entry…I connect with it so very much. We are in DC (northern VA, to be precise) for just another month before our next move, but if you’d like to connect over lunch in DC and talk (and cry!) about missing Italy, I’d love to see you:) Take care!
Tara, thanks so much for reading! It’s always reassuring to know that I am not alone. And if I’m remembering correctly, you were in Italy for about the same amount of time. I would love to meet for lunch and commiserate, will definitely e-mail you so we can meet up before you leave =) Abbracci!
Hi – thank you for writing this. I’m definitely torn about moving back to the states after 7 years living in Spain.
I’m very torn on the best course of action because I know for sure that the adjustment will be very rocky for me.
When I lived abroad in India for just one year, the adjustment was very very difficult. I hope I’m making the right decision.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Really nice post! I just moved back to Oman from the US. Amazing being around family. The biggest adjustment has also been related to food and the products I expected to use everyday. I moved back with my dog so getting into a routine with her has also been challenging. Pet supplies here leave a lot to be desired and I have been spoiled. The upside is that it is wonderful to take her to the beach without freezing my nose off. I certainly don’t miss massachussetts winters! Another upside is getting to know a host of nieces and nephews who have grown up now!
Will have to find different places to download music and get used to slower wifi but I am excited to let all the change settle under my skin. Thanks again for writing this!
Enjoyed the article… I’m currently living in Hong Kong but seeking employment back in the U.S. I’m a little afraid of being “bored” back there (because of the familiarity), but even living here, much of the day-to-day has become “normal” and not as thrilling. So I’ve concluded happiness is a state of mind, so long as I’m in a big city and have people around.
Hi Kelly, thanks for reading and I love your perspective. Every experience is definitely what you make of it! One thing that has helped with my transition is living close to an airport hub, which means that travel back stateside is just a little bit more accessible (although not nearly as convenient as many spots abroad). Good luck! ~Lana
Hi Lana. I am currently in this situation and desperately need advice. This transition isn’t an easy one and there’s quite a few added challenges that make the entire relocation experience extreme for me. I would love to have a private talk with you via email when you do have the time. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Thanks
Hi Fannie, I hear you! No matter the situation, everyone has a rough time with the adjustment. Be patient and kind with yourself. And I’m happy to continue this conversation – you can reach me via the Contact Form here: https://www.travelsavvygal.com/contact/.
All my best,
Lana
I really liked your article! I’ve been abroad in Asia for just about 5 years now (currently Japan) and only months away from moving back to the states to start completely over again…this time with a foreign husband. While I’m excited to be back and see friends and family, I’m also terrified to find out how much I’ve actually changed and if this is truly the right decision for us. Finding good employment is the biggest concern. I’m looking forward to reading more of your blog as it’s nice to know I’m far from alone in how I’m feeling.
Thanks so much, Michelle! As you read, it’s definitely a transition, but be patient with yourself and husband, and you’ll be able to savor the upside of the change. From living abroad you’ve already had to make some tough adjustments, so just come at a return to life stateside with the same mentality. Do you know where you’ll be headed in the US? ~Lana
I just moved back home in December after spending 15 months studying abroad in the UK (1 year to complete my master’s, 3 months trying to find a job/working on PhD applications). I have been back exactly two months and while I knew coming back the transition was going to be bad, it became much worse when I had a death in the family just 6 weeks after my return home. Culture Shock is definitely the biggest thing, but coming from London (which is imo the greatest city I have ever lived in), it’s no doubt that I am disappointed and unhappy to be back. I’ve lost contact with the vast majority of friends that I had here in the states. I am still in the process of looking for a job, but like you am dreading the limited amount of vacation time that comes with having an american job. The vast majority of my friends are the ones I made at uni and it’s been a struggle knowing I can’t see them everyday like I used to. I’ve been reading different articles about being back home after living abroad and I need to keep reminding myself that these things take some time (especially considering I have only been back for a couple of months). I will eventually get back on my feet again and will wind up where I am supposed to be, personally, professionally, and geographically. Thank you for taking the time to write your blog and share your experiences with the transition back home. I feel better knowing I am not the only one who is struggling with the transition back home
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, and I can see how that has made your transition back even rougher. Time is definitely a big part of the answer, so feel all your emotions of the moment and know that they will get better. It also takes a bit of a different mindset in the US vs. Europe to make plans with friends, go on vacation, etc., so that too is part of the adjustment. As you can see from all of the other comments, you are definitely not alone! If you have any meetup.com groups in your city, that is always a good way to meet like-minded people, and maybe even some other former expats.
Best of luck, and sending good thoughts your way!
Lana
Hi Jonathan
I also just moved back from London and am struggling really badly. Thanks for sharing
Hi Ann, thanks for chiming in. It does get better with time!
Hey! I really relate to your post and wanted to give you some hope. I lived in Paris for 3 years then moved to London for 1.5 years to do my master’s. I love London and it’s my favourite city in the world as well. I moved back 2.5 years ago, Dec 2015 and still miss the dynamic energy that city offers. I am from Toronto and the transition was super rough, but after 2 years I moved to another part of Canada with a more European flare and things are starting to look up. So I am writing to say things will get better. I still have a yearning in my heart for that city that will likely never go away, but I’m at least happier now.
Hi Lola, thanks for chiming in! How wonderful that you’ve been able to make changes to ease the transition. Where in Canada are you living now with that European flair? Montreal?
Best,
Lana
I’ve lived in Malaysia for 18 years..sometimes we get ‘homesick’ for certain U.S. conveniences, but overall, I feel more at home here now than back there. Sure, your life can become ‘normal’ anywhere. You take things for granted, but all things considered, you need to look at your quality of life. The best part is that we enjoy going back to the U.S. every summer, but then enjoy coming back to Kuala Lumpur.
How wonderful that you are able to enjoy both of your “homes.” I’m glad you’re feeling like you have a good quality of life abroad, even without some of those US conveniences that you might never stop missing. Enjoy Malaysia, Jay!
I’m an American who has been living in Aus for nearly three years. I’m so very close to buying my final ticket home as I miss my friends and family and the vibrant American culture SO much! But I keep holding myself back from clicking ‘purchase’ on the Qantas site. Do you have any tips for sucking it up and taking that final leap? I know going home will be the right decision but voluntarily leaving my little Canberran circle is TOUGH! Weird travel struggles that nobody I know can relate to 😉
Hi Hillary, it’s always a tough decision to move back home. In your case, it sounds like you aren’t sure. Which means it’s not time to buy that ticket just yet. What makes you think this will be the right decision? ~Lana
I just moved back home to Canada after 2 years in London. I’m an emotional mess and completely struggling. I never realised how hard it would be and how much I want to break down and cry. Thanks for the blog! This helped me relate and gave me some helpful advice.
Victoria, I’m so sorry to hear it’s been so rough for you. We’ve all been there. Understand that crazily enough, it’s part of the normal adjustment process, and it’s just that – a process. One day at a time, and embrace the feelings when they come, it’s okay to miss Europe. I still do every day!
Canada can be very introverted in relation to Europe unless you live in Montreal, I hope you find like minded people soon. I left London 2 and a half years ago and still miss that city with a passion. Good luck girl
Thanks, Lola, finding like-minded people eases any transition for sure!
Victoria, I feel the same way. I spent two years in Bavaria and then we moved to Hawaii. I feel awful. I want to go back to Germany every day, and no one wants to hear anything negative about living in paradise.
Lisa, that sounds rough and I can understand why others who haven’t lived abroad would not quite understand. What do you miss about Germany and is there any way to integrate little things into life in the new location?
Wishing you all the best,
Lana
What a great, honest article. I am facing a move back to the UK after 17 years in Italy. My (Italian) partner and I just can’t go on in this economy, he is working a crappy job with terrible shifts, & I am still doing exactly the same thing I was when I arrived and have no job security or benefits. I don’t really want to go but it feels like we have no choice. I have found a temporary job in England which might become permanent, but everything just feels so difficult and uncertain. I know I will miss Italy so much and now I’m not even sure things will be better in the uk.
Thank you, Kate, it sounds like there are a few transitions ahead of you. Wherever you go I am sure you’ll miss Italy, but it’s key to take things one step at a time and take care of yourself throughout it all. Best of luck!
Hi Lana and fellow returning (or returned) expats,
Thank you so much for sharing your experience(s). I’ve lived in France for about 8 years (7 years, 10 months) to be exact and we will be returning to the US in 6 weeks (with my family – husband, child + dog) and while preparing all the logistics, find myself struggling in advance with the readjustment back into American culture or perhaps moreso, the things that I will leave behind. So much of what you shared resonated with me and you’ve offered some great suggestions on how to make the adjustment a bit easier. I expect it to be difficult at times. At the same time, I am returning to the Philadelphia area, which is where I lived throughout my childhood but moved away from 26 years ago. Anyway, rather than ramble on, I just want to thank you (and those of you who have also posted comments) for everything you shared here. I honestly feel like that weight sitting on my chest is somewhat lighter and I will come back to remind myself that lots of people have gone through this experience and have lived to tell! One of the things that I am going to do for myself (if my budget allows) is to find a great massage therapist and get a massage per month for the first 2 or 3 months. That is something that is so different from France. I am really looking forward to receiving a great massage! OK, I said I wouldn’t continue rambling and you see what happened. 🙂 Thank you again, Lana!
Best regards, Laura
Hi Laura,
I’m so glad that reading this has helped as you begin your adjustment process back stateside. You are definitely not alone! And I’m sure you will find other like-minded people when you return.
Best of luck!
Lana
p.s. I just spent a fabulous weekend in Philly, posts coming to the blog soon with some lesser-known places to explore!
Hello!
this article was an absolute pleasure to find! I have been battling the decision to move back to Canada after living in London, UK for the past 3 years. My job is challenging and I don’t enjoy it, friends constantly leave, I feel like maintaining a healthy long term relationship is very difficult and I wonder if by now I am satisfied with what I have accomplished over here. I love what you’ve written about how to decide, ensuring I’ve mapped out my goals as well as coping mechanisms if I go back! I think you hit the nail on the head with expectations and ensuring I keep those low/realistic as I don’t want to let myself feel down.
thank you for being so candid and honest, I’ve saved your blog to read again to help me work through the decision making process.
thank you!
Michelle
Hi Michelle, thank you so much for your kind words! I’m so glad you’ve found this post to be helpful, there are definitely a lot of moving parts with living abroad and also moving back to somewhere that was once “home.” Low expectations always help regardless of the choice.
Wishing you all the best as you navigate the decision, and I’d love to hear what you decide to do in the end.
Best,
Lana
I’m so stoked to get back to the U.S. after 7 years living in Asia. I have been back a few times for months at a time and the reverse culture shock hit me hard, but I’m beyond ready to head home to the place where I belong. I don’t think I’ve ever appreciated America more than I do right now.
On another note, I lived in Baltimore for a couple of years. Based on my experience at that time, I’d rather live abroad than move there. That place was a dangerous dump when I lived there. I hope things have gotten better since then.
Jay, you might not recognize Baltimore these days! I also lived here in the early 2000s and for a brief stint a few years back, and it seems to change (for the better mostly) by the week.
I’m glad you are so excited about the decision you’ve made, and it sounds like you’re coming back to the US with some realistic expectations about reverse culture shock, so I hope you have a smooth transition “home.”
Best,
Lana
I’m about to return to America after living in Taiwan for 20 years. Being 26 that’s a whole majority of my life. I’m scared, but excited. Not too excited about my destination of Michigan, especially since there’s no china town there. But I’m also joining the navy, the sole reason I’m coming back. I’m scared the culture shock will kill me. But I’ll let you know what happens once I’m back.
Your article helped me relax a little bit though, thanks.
Wow, Jeff, it sounds like you are in for some very big adjustments. Be kind and forgiving to yourself. If you’ve never experienced culture shock it can be quite a surprise! I hope you meet wonderful people, they make every transition easier. And yes, please check back in!
Thank you for this article. It’s comforing to know other people aren’t having similar experiences with difficulty readjusting. I moved back to the US 6 months ago after living in Peru for 2 years. I went back to the city I lived in before I went to Peru, thinking I would still have a community there. It’s been really hard to re-adjust and I’m kicking myself for a “grass is always greener on the other side” mentality while I had living in Peru. As much as I loved it, I didn’t feel like I had many friends or a community (until the end, I realized it right before I wasn’t leaving). I also wasn’t financial stable, I was just accruing more debt with my low paying job rather than paying it off. The wages are plenty for the lifestyle, but not if you’re trying to pay any debts in dollars. I also had a rocky relationship, which has since continued in long distance and he has come to the US multiple times. As much as I miss Peru and want to go back, and wish I had made more of an effort to be present while I was there, I’m feeling like it’s not a smart choice for me to go back for a relationship that I wasn’t sure about and to a job that’s not exactly what I need right now. It’s been rough seeing pictures of all the festivals that aren’t happening there now and feeling like I’m missing out on a lot. But I’m trying to have faith that I made a good decision and once I’m more stable and grounded I can go back or find a new culture and place I love to call home.
Thanks for commenting Julie, and I’m glad you found this post useful. Of course there is no one “right” answer but it sounds like you’re navigating the uncertainty well and it will all sort itself out with time as things become more clear. It sounds like you’ve already decided that staying in the US is the right choice for now, and if it becomes the right thing to do to move abroad again, I’m sure you will.
Best wishes,
Lana
I love your blogs. Moving back home is a more popular choice for the millennial generation than any generation prior, and it’s become an increasingly acceptable course of action for those who are struggling or looking to save on housing costs.
Hi there,
Thank you so much for sharing your story and for everyone else who commented. I am going through some difficult times in Germany and I am feeling more and more that I should move back home to the USA. What scares me the most is the entire process it takes just to get back on US soil. I am wondering how long did the process take you…so from deciding you were going back, to booking the plane ticket, to selling your belongings, etc.? I feel like just packing up my things and moving back home tomorrow, but I know that is not exactly a smart financial decision at the moment. I am just so depressed here and realizing my Grandparents are getting really old (one just went in the nursing home), and I miss my other family members, my job here sucks, etc. Mostly, I am disappointed in my current (and new) job I took. It is nothing like I expected it to be and it is soul sucking. I have to talk myself out of quitting on a bi-weekly basis. But the only reason keeping me at this job is that I have to save money in order to move home. I just don’t know what time frame is realistic to actually MOVE home. Any suggestions that anyone has would be so appreciated.
Someone also posted about them regretting not “living in the now” while they were in their foreign country; just focusing on getting home to the USA. I completely agree with what that person said. Right now I need to just make steps to get to my goal of moving home, while still making the most of my time left here in Germany. I want to leave on happy memories, not on memories that I have right now of me being angry, lonely, sad, unmotivated, etc.
Well, I am rambling on, but I hope some people can relate to my share. I would love to hear what everyone has on their mind about my post.
Thanks for everything.
-Rosie
Hi Rosie, thanks for chiming in. There are a lot of pros and cons either way, but I’d say it’s definitely worth taking the time to decide what is motivating your decisions and figure out what you really want to do. Is it that you don’t like your job so want to leave Germany, or are there other reasons? If it really is the job, maybe you want to find a different job instead of moving back? What were your motivations for going abroad in the first place? Have those changed? You can never predict with grandparent’s health. I thought about my grandmother being 85 when I last moved abroad in 2012, but 5 years of expat life later I’m back stateside over a year and now she’s 91! You really just never know either way. Whether you decide to stay or go (and on what timeframe – it was probably a 3-6 month process for me), I’d say make the most of wherever you are. Even staying in Germany to continue working and save money is you making an active choice to do what’s best for you, embrace it. Best of luck and check back in when you decide!
Hello,
Thank you for your article about moving back to the US after living abroad. I find myself at this same point in my life where I am not sure if it is time for me to move back the states or not. I have been living in the Czech Republic in Prague for almost five years now, I have a great teaching job in an international school. But I am not sure if it is time to move back or not. I am getting sick of all of my friends leaving every two years or so and having to make all new friends over and over again. Also I’m 31 years old and feel like I should be saving more money for my future. At the same time I am not sure if I can let go of the laid back European lifestyle I have been living for the past five years….But I’m glad to know that others struggle with this decision as well.
Thanks,
Jenna
Thanks for writing, Jenna. As you saw in the many previous comments, giving up the European lifestyle for a move back to the US is definitely an adjustment. And I’m sure the staff turnover being at an international school makes things a challenge. There never is a right time, although it is hard to go back once you’ve left, so I’d wait to be fairly confident that this is the right move before making the choice to come back. Best of luck!
Hello,
I just stumbled across your blog and found it really enlightening. I’ve lived in the UK for almost five years and I’m looking to move back to Aus later this year early next year.
I know I want to do a bit more travel before I head back to Aus, and I know it will be a culture shock for me moving back to a smaller city, but mainly for me I miss the proximity with my family and friends back home, especially after living overseas for almost 5 years, now my friends at home are buying houses, getting engaged and having children- and I’m paying my rent, working a job I don’t love, and just wanting to change my life up a bit. Thank you for writing so honestly; I feel like from reading the comments it’s really helped people out, and it’s certainly given me something to think about!
Thanks,
L
Ah yes, many of us have been exactly there! It sounds like you have enough compelling reasons to make the jump and a good sense of all the things you will gain heading back to Aus. Definitely a lot to continue thinking about, I’m sure you’ll make the choice that is right for you.
Best of luck, Laura!
Lana
Hi Lana,
I really relate to this post. I moved to Rome three years ago to finish my degree in Art History. I fell in love with the city, the people, the lifestyle. I recently moved back to Baltimore (hey!), where I grew up, and have been learning to adjust to this new way of life here. I’m in between undergrad and grad school, trying to find where I belong– Europe or the US. It’s been a struggle relearning how to “be” here– making friends, staying present, going to the grocery store, etc. Everything feels comfortable and familiar yet so incredibly foreign to me. I feel out of place. My family and friends in Baltimore don’t quite understand; they can sympathize but not empathize. I was wondering how you handled being back in Baltimore after years abroad. And how you determined where you truly belonged. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Grazie mille,
xx
E
Ciao, Em, ben tornata a Baltimora!
I don’t know that there is one single definitive answer about belonging – it does not have to be a static thing. All of what you’re experiencing is part of the normal process of returning, and it may stay weird forever or may fade with time. I have been back almost 2.5 years, and I still feel like I am adjusting! And from here, I feel like I belong back in Europe. But if I moved back, I might feel differently. I would focus not on making a forever decision, but finding where you would like to be now.
Best of luck,
Lana
Hi. I just wanted to write and say thank you so much for sharing this post, it is truly very helpful. It is interesting to read the comments and see that a lot of us leave our homes with a yearning to return and once we do we feel lost. I am currently living in Peru and have been for almost two years (with a stint of going home for a couple of months in between) and have missed alllll the comforts of home so much, that much like the other lady who lived in Peru I haven’t really appreciated all the quirks here until recently – just when I’ve applied for my dream job back home in England. Now I am sat here fretting whether a life back in England is for me. I love speaking and hearing Spanish every day. I love the history and culture, the markets, the smoothies, the travel destinations.. oh and tonnes more that I know cannot be found in England. Of course there are great positives to living in England and I’m conscious of that but it is all very daunting… I suppose the best way to look at it is to cherish the time and be thankful for having the opportunity to live in such a diverse and beautiful country.
Thanks,
Rebe
Hi Rebe, you’re very welcome! It took a long time to gather what I wanted to say and the courage to publish the post. There is so much to cherish with any experience living abroad, and if you do return home to England, there are of course ways to incorporate your experience living in Peru into your daily life. Any change is frightening, of course. Wishing you the best of luck getting your dream job and with this difficult decision!
Best,
Lana
I’m lying here in the dark, crying, having googled ‘living abroad and moving home’. I grew up in Perth WA which as you know (I assume) is a sleepy, far away place with a weird closed off culture and a massive inferiority complex. I’ve been living in Edinburgh for three years and have been exhilarated for most of it, but now I want to buy my first property and I need to decide where I’m going to settle down. This morning I was strongly on the Perth side (better salary, favourable property market), this evening I don’t want to go (Perth is boring and remote). I’m a bit of a mess…you’ve helped me a lot with your advice on positive thinking xx thank you so much. I’m still completely torn.
Oh, Joanna, I am sending lots of positivity your way! I used to live in Perth, so definitely know what you’re talking about in terms of the culture there – even compared to the rest of Australia. It’s okay to be completely torn. It sounds like you’re putting at least a bit of artificial pressure on yourself about buying a property. What if you just rent until you feel less torn about the decision? Or buy a property without the mindset that it will be a “forever home”? If you are stuck in the moment, maybe table the whole thought process for a few months to give yourself an emotional break, and then revisit it with fresh eyes then. Best of luck!
Hi, just wanted to say that I stumbled on your blog by curiosity and mainly because I was feeling a little like a fish out of water, I just moved back from Rome after 6 years and the way I tried to view it was as accepting a new chapter in life. I appreciate your blog even if it was over 2 years from your post. I am grateful for the life I lived in Italy and acknowledge the Italian food will never compare here in California but I am truly grateful of all the opportunities the US can offer me career wise. Another motivation to return was accepting that i could not see myself settling down in Italy i wanted stability. One thing I struggled with was having people judge and resent you once you do come back. They might not state it directly but you can feel the tension. It is the ability to share your stories with others, at first they are accepting trying to listen and be happy for you but then they just nod and you realize they check out of the conversation, their lives are different from your adventures. Sometimes I would feel bad trying to relate something or mention an experience and I refrain from stating where it was or why it happened because I was trying to be precautious of coming off pretentious. It was and has been hard even if it’s only been 3.5 months since moving back because for 6 years, Italy was all I knew. I feel like I am a foreigner in my own country at times and I try not to get overwhelmed with everything going on. A strong support group behind your transition is crucial in my opinion, parents obviously are so happy to have you back but I give a lot of the credit to my past expat friends. Even though I carried the torch for the longest time abroad, they prepared me to accept that there will be rough parts where I just want to cry randomly because of feeling overwhelmed to the different environments. A key tip is to stop comparing the two countries, both are clearly unique in their own terms and when in a panic to take deep breathes, and like you said definitely trying to find my grounding and know the transition will not be fast. You can sometimes notice the bitterness in people’s eyes but it allowed me to accept that most don’t have the actual drive to do what they want. Abroad I forced myself to do weekly day trips if I was unable to travel because I knew my life aboard had an expiration date. It allowed me to push myself past fear and I began to be more observant about people here, they state they want to travel, but they always find an excuse. I sometimes know I must refrain from discussing the past and try to focus on the new but unless you have previous or new friends who also travel you must accept that there’s a part of you that they can’t understand. I also learned to be more financial aware of my spending, clearly in the US we have more of an income than in Italy, but I tried my hardest to stay aware and save so then I can take trips when possible. I appreciate your blog because I definitely relate to the convenience and the ability to eat any ethnic food I crave again. I also am grateful for involvement in technology because despite the time difference I can stay in touch with friends internationally through WhatsApp and sending voice message to continue practicing my foreign languages.
Hi KM, thanks so much for sharing your experience. It sounds like you’ve encountered some similar things to me in the transition (and many others who have commented here). I have now been back in the US for 2.5 years, and still miss Italy, but feel as if I have also adapted to my new post-expat life, including befriending Italians and other former expats. I hope you continue to feel more at home being back and that you continue your passion for traveling from here.
All my best,
Lana
Just coming across your blog, it’s a fantastic description of the life inbetween expats have to adjust. I’ve been living in the EU, first Germany for 6 years now France for a year. I have a 4 yr old child and husband also American, and we are trying to sort out returning. I actually moved originally with my heart set to live in Italy but jobs took us elsewhere. I managed to travel to Italy as much as possible( feel like I could still end up there later down the road).. . It’s such an odd transition to make but the reason we are returning to the US is to be closer to family. It’s been too much coordinating visits back and forth and as our parents are aging it just seems right. Anyways, lovely to hear your perspective.
Thanks so much for commenting, Chantelle, I’m glad you enjoyed reading. It sounds like you are making the decision that is best for your family at this point, I wish you all the best with your upcoming relocation!
I just came across this article because the transition of moving back home has been really rough on me. I went to uni in the Philippines for 6 years and had just graduated and moved back to Indonesia, but instead of getting a job at my hometown in Jakarta I got one in Bali. I don’t know anyone and I feel so isolated since I’m in a new place, and I’m quite shy in the first place so I haven’t been able to make any friends here other than a coworker. Do you have any tips on how to make friends?
Hi Janet, thanks for commenting, and I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. My top suggestion is to look for groups. When I move to a new city, I always look for Facebook or Meetup.com groups. You can join and search for things on both platforms like “Bali expat” or “Bali international” to find other newcomers looking to make friends. I also find it easy to meet people if you have a common hobby. So if there is a sport you play or other activity you enjoy, seek it out and find like-minded people (for me, this is rock climbing). Best of luck!
I just ran across this entry. This: ALL of the feelings you felt and eventually felt are swirling through my mind, as we gear up to move back to the US next month after two years in Italy. I am trying hard NOT to dread it (and I am staying positive about it), but I am admittedly going back “kicking and screaming” LOL It was a total culture shock moving to Italy. Although I researched, studied Italian ahead of time, nothing could have prepared me for this adventure. I have grown fond and fully accustomed to our life here and I know you can’t “just go back” to the way things were before you moved abroad. Change is good anyway. We have traveled to so many other countries while being here, seen so many spectacular things, I fear the boredom of living back in the US. Along with the looming anxiety of constant English “chatter” going on around me, little to no Italian spoken around us (which we do speak quite a bit of in our home, so there’s that yet not the same) and most importantly, I fear raising our child in the US. Things are just different here. And $25 Aperol!? I’m glad I have been building a stockpile of Aperol and coffee to bring back. I will be broke at $25 a bottle by the way I Spritz. Ha! But, I am happy to see family again. For our son to build on those relationships that he has missed out on. It’s going to be a massive adjustment! But you give me hope. Thank you, for this blog entry and for sharing.
Thanks for writing, Stephanie, and I wish you all the best with your transition. At least you already have a stockpile of Aperol to get you through those tough days! There are definitely benefits to being closer to family, so focus on the benefits as well as the drawbacks, and be kind to yourself and your family with all of the emotions of the transition. And if you’ll be stateside, Italy won’t be terribly far away for a return visit.
Best of luck!
Lana
I’m struggling with a similar thing but not the same. For me, it has been moving to Australia, (Cairns) when my parents decided to at the age of 15 and this year I moved back home, Which is the Netherlands for me. However there being a big housing crisis, which I was u unaware of before I went and didn’t find out till a few weeks in.
Since I didn’t manage to find a place to live after 2 months, living with family, I ended up going back to Cairns (aus).
Where my parents live, but besides that I do not know many people and it is a small and touristy place. I have been back now for over 3 months and haven’t found work until now which is just casual. Also, I have actually been living in Melbourne for the last 4 years before going back to Holland. So I was used to a big busy city, not Cairns. From reading the other comments it sounds similar to Perth.
I have always felt this strong European connection that never went away and noticed the same for making friends most of the time. But now realise that I’m also reaching a more difficult age to make friends, just having turned 28. Not sure how to cope, feeling very isolated here, and moving straight back to Melbourne or elsewhere is not really an option as I do not have the money for that now. I’m quite disappointed and didn’t expect that moving back to my home country would be so difficult and almost impossible, regarding housing.
Iris, I’m so sorry to hear about all of your struggles. Any move or transition is hard, and it sounds like you’ve had quite a few recently! While it does get harder to make friends as you get older, it’s still possible, I promise. I have found the best methods to be local Facebook or Meetup.com groups or interest groups (book club or something related to a sport/hobby). Even Couchsurfing has social groups of locals that meet up, even if you don’t actually couchsurf yourself. Wishing you all the best in Cairns or wherever you land!