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“Oh, but we were going to come visit you.”

It’s a refrain I’ve heard again and again since moving back to the US from Milan, coming from many sources, from one of my sisters to friends I didn’t even know were contemplating a trip. Apparently all of these people had the best of intentions of making a trip to Italy for a visit, but never quite got around to it.

In Australia, I understood. Living in Perth for just over a year, it was hard for my American family and friends to plan a visit. From the northeast United States, it’s about 30 hours of flying – one way! – to arrive in Perth. By the time anyone could have reasonably planned a trip, I was no longer living there.

But Milan was a different story. Easily accessible by a direct flight from the US, it was pretty straightforward for Americans to plan a visit. In fact, over my three years living in Milan, visitors came from all over the United States, other parts of Europe, Asia, and even Australia (those Aussies sure love to travel).

So how is it possible that with guests streaming in from multiple continents that so many people did not make it for a visit?

The short answer? They failed to adhere to an important principle that avid travelers embrace: Just go.

There are always a million and one reasons *not* to take that trip. From the cost of traveling to taking time off of work, there are all sorts of logical-sounding justifications as to why that vacation just can’t happen. People with children complain that they can’t travel with them and that they’re too young to leave behind. Of course, my position is that you should travel anyway. Especially if you happen to know someone living in a place you’ve never visited.

If there’s anything I’ve learned in my years of travel (and having friends move to different cities and countries), it’s that even when people think they know how long they’ll be living somewhere, they usually don’t. Life happens, jobs change, people transfer universities, and move for love. Often unexpectedly and sometimes suddenly.

Which brings me to the best travel advice I can give:

When you have a friend or family member that moves to a new place, VISIT. As soon as you can.

I loved living and Milan and Italy, and am sad that more friends who had been meaning to take that trip to visit me one day did not get the opportunity while I was still there. Of course, you can always visit a destination even if you no longer know someone living there, but the experience will just not be the same. I say that it’s worth prioritizing travel to a new place when you know someone who lives there and that knowing a local will help keep costs down. I say that you can come with or without your kids, but you should still plan to go. So if you’ve been talking about visiting that friend who moved somewhere new (but you just haven’t gotten around to it), yes, I’m talking to you!

There are many upsides to visiting friends and family that have moved somewhere new. First, knowing someone in your destination can make your trip more affordable. Even if you have to shell out for a train ride or airfare to arrive, you’ll get more bang for your buck once you get there, especially if you can stay overnight with friends or family for free. Or share home-cooked meals together, eliminating the expense of eating out for at least part of your visit. Plus, while you’re there, you’ll have a local to show you around, getting an insider perspective on a destination, even if they are a transplant to the area and still exploring themselves.

When I have a friend who moves to a new place, I’m the kind of person who immediately starts strategizing about how to travel there. Especially if I know at the start that they may not live there for very long. It’s a great excuse to make it for a visit to a new destination and wonderful to share that with someone you already know.

There were the extended weekends I took while living in the US before to visit friends in Dallas and Minneapolis (and good thing I did, as neither stayed for longer than a few years). Before the start of my 5-week solo travel in Mexico, I visited a friend for a few days who was temporarily living in Mexico City. Even during college, I jumped on a plane and visited friends who were studying abroad in London and Amsterdam.

Living in Italy these past few years, I popped in to stay for a weekend with friends who I met in Milan that later moved on to live in London, Frankfurt, Geneva, and Tirana. I made it a priority to get to see Bucharest and some surrounding parts of Romania with a friend who’s from there originally. As well as visiting Hong Kong, Israel, and Singapore while friends and relatives were living there.

So, who of my friends and family did the same, and actually made it to Milan while I was there?

There wasn’t a single type of visitor. Friends visited solo and as couples, some friends came with their kids, while others with children left their kids behind in their grandparents’ care. Friends came who had high-powered jobs they had stepped away from as well as teacher friends who were off for the summer. Some visitors came as part of a trip to celebrate an anniversary or other milestone and others just jumped on dates when they saw the latest flight deal to Milan. Plenty of people visited (which I loved!) but there were also plenty who did not.

How can YOU make traveling to visit friends living in new places a reality?

It’s not that complicated, I swear! Of course you need to know where friends and family are living, and be willing to actually plan your visit, but beyond that it doesn’t take much. A little bit of organization goes a long way, and there’s really not much that separates me popping in on friends all over and those who stay home and wish they had taken that trip.

Here are a few pretty simple things to keep in mind to put good intentions into action:

• Stay in touch with friends and family, and know where people are. If you already know all of the cool places where you know someone, you’re ahead of the curve!
• Lock down dates on the calendar for a visit. Yes, life gets crazy sometimes and people have different work and travel schedules, so sometimes coordination can be tricky. It helps to start asking early so you can block off time that is good for both of you.NOTE: This is where a lot of travel planning falls apart. You ask about dates, your e-mail gets buried in someone’s inbox, and then you forget to follow up. Happens all the time, myself included. So when you send your initial message, jot down a quick note to follow up in a few days or a week if you haven’t heard anything, that way a date for visiting actually gets set at some point without falling by the wayside.
• Even if someone tells you they expect to be somewhere for a few years or longer, still plan your trip ASAP. In my experience, people often think they know about timing, but life is too unexpected to wait. If they’re really there as long as they expect and you had a good time on your first visit, you can always plan a return trip later 😉
• Be a good guest! At a minimum, do whatever amount of advance planning is needed so you’re not a burden on your generous host. Depending on work schedules and children or other commitments, hosts may have the flexibility to spend every minute with you or may need to send you off exploring on your own at different points in time. Come prepared.

For me now, some of my new travel priorities are based on where I know people and can get to relatively easily from my current home in Baltimore. There is the weekend I hope to spend in Detroit, Michigan sometime soon, where a friend recently moved and I’ve never been. Along with getting to Denver, Colorado, where my sister expects to move soon. It will be new to me, as I’ve only transited in the airport before. I want to be sure to catch them, so those are both trips I hope to take in the next six months or so.

Where do you have (or will have) friends and family living? Make a plan to go!

And friends – if you’ve never been to Baltimore, come visit. I don’t have any plans to leave, but hey, you never know =)

How do you plan where you’ll visit next? Have you ever visited a new place just because of a friend or relative who moved there? What’s your best piece of advice to get out there and take that next trip? Share away in the Comments below!

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